Why would you watch a Shakespeare play when you could watch the Super Bowl?
Shakespeare is better than the Super Bowl . . .
. . . because most Super Bowls are only four quarters long. All Shakespeare plays are five acts.
. . . because millions have been talking about Hamlet for over 400 years—but how many remember who won Super Bowl IV?
. . . because you can be sure that neither Macbeth nor Macduff will call time out in the middle of their exciting battle.
. . . because the ads during a Shakespeare play . . . well, all right. Super Bowl ads are pretty good.
. . . because the coaches hardly ever deliver the St. Crispin’s Day Speech to their teams during halftime—even though they really ought to!
. . . because when Hamlet talks about "Singeing his pate against the burning zone," he's not talking about the End Zone.
. . . because if you feel disappointed at the end of a Shakespeare play, you've been rooting for the wrong people.
. . . because women in Shakespeare are generally treated with more respect than women dancing at the Super Bowl are.
. . . because "The Battle of the Century" should refer to something like Bosworth Field, not a Football Field.
. . . because "Two households, both alike in dignity" seldom describes the Super Bowl matchup.
. . . because the pre-game show usually consists of a speech like "O, for a muse of Fire" instead of inane chatter.
. . . because “Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, / Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of Steelers” doesn’t have quite the right ring to it.
. . . because John Madden seldom delivers a play-by-play on a Shakespeare play.
. . . because concussions only occur in Shakespeare very rarely—usually by accident when the Scottish Play is being performed.
. . . because Sonnet XLV begins with “The other two, slight air and purging fire, / Are both with thee, wherever I abide”; Super Bowl XLV begins with a sixteen-hour pre-game show.
. . . because Because the Black-Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” doesn’t show quite the emotional range of Romeo and Juliet.
. . . because Rosalind says “my affection hath an unknown bottom, like the bay of Portugal” not “. . . like the bay of green.”
And don't forget to follow #ShakesBowl on Twitter during the big game for more reasons!
Our thanks for this guest post to kj, the author of Bardfilm. Bardfilm is a blog that comments on films, plays, and other matters related to Shakespeare.
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