15 Greatest Shakespearean Excuses for All Occasions

Late for work? Forgot to pass in your assignment?  Blew off plans you had with friends?  Now and as always, Shakespeare's got you covered...

Shakespearean Excuses for All Occasions

• Flying back to Elsinore for my dad's funeral, and my mom's wedding. Don't ask. Back in a few days.
• Going to live in the forest dressed as a boy for a little while. Back when evil Duke Frederick has a ridiculously unlikely change of heart.
• Got married last night! Didn't tell my parents. Will explain everything when Romeo gets here.
• My Dogberry ate my homework.
• Had to disguise myself as a boy, it's compl...what do you mean Rosalind already used that excuse?
• I am so exhausted, I have gotten like zero sleep since my husband and I killed the king the other day.
• Got in huge fight with my dad. Moving to France.  Getting married! Everything's gonna work out ok. 
• Shipwrecked on the way back from my cousin's wedding. Enslaved by evil wizard. Totally met someone, though, so it's all good.
• Had to flee assassins that got my dad. Will return to Scotland in a few generations to reclaim the crown.
• Need to go give a speech at Caesar's funeral. Blah blah, good man, will be missed... these things always go the same way.
• Off to England! It's whole big accidentally-killed-my-girlfriends-father-thought-he-was-the-king thing. Long story.
• Listen, so, I meet this girl at a party, right? Long story short, I kill her cousin, now I'm banished.
• Weird rumor going around that I'm out to kill my father. Only one thing to do, go live in a hovel and pretend to be insane.
• Spent the night in jail because the lady I work for didn't like the color of my socks. I know, right?
• Bit of a disagreement with my husband. My friend's got this plan where I go into hiding for 16 years, convince him I'm a statue, and then yell "Boo!". I think it sounds hysterical.