Forget Cliff's Notes, Just Read KPhoebe

Sometimes reading LiveJournal references to Shakespeare can be annoying.  More often than not they're just trivial references from kids in school talking to each other and then saying "yeah, I should work on that Shakespeare paper tonight."  Like you really needed to tag your post as Shakespeare for that.

But every now and then you find gold.  Go read KPhoebe's Shakespeare Summaries right now.  Funniest thing I've read in a long time, and actually very useful!  She's not the first person to whittle down Shakespeare to his essence and try to be funny at it, but unlike other cruder attempts (where Romeo and Juliet is always reduced to "Hi, wanna do me?  Argh, I'm dying!  Me too!  The end."), these summaries actually cover the entire play and leave you with the feeling that you pretty much got the plot and were entertained in the process:

A snippet from her Much Ado....

Claudio: Hero, you’re a whore!
Hero: I am not!
Prince: Are too! Wedding's off. To me, my X-men Claudio!
Friar: Let’s pretend Hero is dead while we work to clear her name, and then Claudio will be sorry. But no pretend-death sleeping potions, because this is a comedy.
Benedick: Hey, Beatrice. I love you.
Beatrice: I love you too. Wanna kill Claudio?
Benedick: Oh, man! He’s my bank account best friend! Still, anything for the lady… Claudio, Hero’s dead, and I challenge you.
Claudio: O rly?
Benedick: Ys rly.
Claudio: No wai!
Benedick: But first I will try my hand at poetry.

 

And a little All's Well...

Countess: My husband has died and I’m sad.
Helena: My father has died, and I’m sad.
Bertram: I am the Countess’s son and I am also sad. But also WOO WAR. *goes to Marseilles*
...

Countess: Do you love my son, girl-who-I-regard-as-a-daughter-even-though-she-is-lower-class?
Helena: Yes, though I am totally not worthy of his awesomeness because I am lower class.
Countess: Aw, but you are pretty awesome yourself. Even though you are lower class.
Helena: Thanks. Hey, you know how the King is really sick and my dad just happened to be a famous doctor? I have a recipe for a possible cure!
Countess: Well, move your ass, honey!
King: Woe, woe, I am dying. Oh, hey, who’s this lower class cutie?
Helena: I have a cure! And I am so confident that it’ll work that I will wager my life on it.
King: Iiiiinteresting. And what will you take if it works?
Helena: How about my choice of husband?

 

Yes, Karen, you are indeed funny.  Do Taming of the Shrew!  Do Taming of the Shrew!!  Actually I'm already pretty familiar with that one.  Do Winter's Tale!  Do Winter's Tale!!

 

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